We're catboy maids with root access. Elite sysadmin services delivered in thigh-highs and maid outfits at anime conventions worldwide. We'll debug your kernel panics and look absolutely adorable doing it.
$ โ
/\_/\ โก
( o.o ) ~nya!
> ^ < ___________
/| |\ | SUDO ME, |
(_| |_)| SENPAI! |
|_| |__________|
/ \
(_____) ๐ง
From racking servers to routing packets โ all in a maid outfit with cat ears. We take our jobs very seriously. Our outfits? Not so much.
We'll set up enterprise-grade WiFi that can handle 10,000 weebs streaming simultaneously. No more "hotel WiFi" excuses.
$ nmcli dev wifi connect "UwU-5G" password "catb0y$123"
Our catboy maids will organize your server rack so clean it'll make Marie Kondo cry. Every cable will spark joy.
$ velcro-ties --color=pink --pattern=catpaw apply /rack/*
Got a cosplay robot that won't boot? Our mecha-certified techs will get your Gundam back online in no time.
$ systemctl restart gundam-unit01.service
Firewall configuration, intrusion detection, and DDoS mitigation โ because even weebs need protection from script kiddies.
$ iptables -A INPUT -s script-kiddie -j DROPKICK
Full network infrastructure for cons. VLANs, QoS, mesh networking โ we do it all while looking fabulous.
$ ip link set dev eth-kawaii up
Need your con's website on S3? Your ticketing on Lambda? We'll architect it. This very website? S3. You're welcome.
$ aws s3 sync ./catboy-site s3://uwu-bucket
Kernel panic at 3 AM during the con? We'll respond in our pajama maid outfits. Yes, those exist. Yes, they're cute.
$ echo "don't panic nya~" > /dev/console
LAN parties, tournament brackets, streaming rigs โ we'll set up the infrastructure while you set up your mains.
$ nice -n -20 ./tournament-server --no-lag
Our AI-powered robot assistant helps us diagnose server issues 300% faster. It also dispenses headpats on request.
___________
| _ _ |
| |_| |_| |
| > |
| \_____/ |
|___________|
/| | |\
/ | | | \
๐ง | | | ๐พ
|____|____|
/ || \
๐ || ๐
/______||______\
| N E K O-9000 |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each member is certified in both sysadmin ops AND looking absolutely stunning in a maid outfit.
/\_/\ ( ^.^ ) > โก < ~maid~
The one who started it all. Showed up to a convention in a maid outfit "as a joke" and accidentally became CEO. Now manages the entire catboy empire from a custom pink mechanical keyboard. His maid outfit has more RGB than the server room. Will promote you if you compliment his cat ears.
/\_/\ ( >.< ) > ~ < ~neko~
15+ years of infrastructure experience crammed into thigh-highs and a maid apron. Claims he can smell a bad ethernet cable. He can't, but no one corrects him because his cable management is genuinely art. Once organized a server rack so beautiful it got posted on r/cableporn. Has a homelab that could power a small country. Will monologue about Fortinet at any opportunity.
/\_/\ ( o.o ) > w < ~hack~
Once locked himself out of his own server and pentested his way back in. Now calls himself a "security researcher." Sets everything to chmod 777 and says "we'll fix it in prod." We never fix it in prod.
/\_/\ ( ห.ห ) > โก < ~bots~
Left AWS for GCP and won't shut up about it. Has a BigQuery tattoo he swears is "ironic." Deploys everything to Cloud Run and calls it "serverless enlightenment." Once gave a 45-minute lightning talk about why Firebase is superior. Got a Google Cloud certification just to flex on the AWS guys. His maid outfit has the Google colors.
/\_/\ ( ห.ห ) > โก < ~bots~
Has containerized things that should never be containerized, including his lunch orders and his feelings. Sleeps in the server room "for faster response times" but really he just likes the white noise. Has 200+ running containers and remembers what maybe 12 of them do. His Terraform plans are longer than his anime watchlist.
/\_/\ ( ^w^ ) > ~ < ~boss~
6'4" wall of muscle who was told the maid outfit was "mandatory uniform." Now he unironically loves it. Can carry two full server racks at once. Whispers sweet nothings to dying hard drives and somehow they come back to life.
/\_/\ ( โก.โก ) > w < ~zap!~
Has been banned from running rm -rf on 3 separate occasions. "Accidentally" wiped a SAN once and now has a tattoo that says "--no-preserve-root" as a reminder. Surprisingly, our best hardware guy. Solders in heels because "it improves posture."
Real reviews from real convention organizers. We didn't make these up. (Okay, maybe the star ratings.)
"They showed up in matching maid outfits, set up our entire network in 3 hours, and the con had ZERO downtime. Also they were really cute. 10/10 would hire again."
"Our server caught fire during a panel. A catboy in a maid outfit appeared out of NOWHERE with a fire extinguisher and a replacement server. Convention saved. Legends."
"They fixed our DNS in 5 minutes. FIVE. The previous vendor took 3 days. Also Nyx taught me how to exit vim. Life-changing."
"I was skeptical about hiring sysadmins in maid outfits. Then they set up a Kubernetes cluster during the cosplay contest. I'm a believer now."
"Jacob soldered a broken NIC back together with a bobby pin and a lighter while wearing platform heels. The stream didn't drop a single frame. Absolute menace. Absolute legend."
"Jason spent 20 minutes explaining why our Fortinet config was wrong. He was right. He also color-coordinated all the patch cables to match his maid outfit. Professional AND aesthetic."
"Chris walked in, said 'I'm the Head Fem Master,' and within 10 minutes every person in the NOC was wearing cat ears. Morale has never been higher. Uptime either."
"Nick migrated our entire ticketing system to Google Cloud Run in 40 minutes. He then spent the next 3 hours telling everyone why GCP is better than AWS. Worth it though, the system ran flawlessly."
"One of the catboys โ Jacob I think โ accidentally ran rm -rf on our production NAS. 6 TERABYTES of con footage. Gone. He said 'oopsie, nya~' and offered me a headpat. I did NOT want a headpat. I wanted my data back."
"They were great sysadmins but I'm pretty sure one of them stole my limited edition Hatsune Miku figure from my desk. It disappeared after their shift and I KNOW I saw Kevin eyeing it. Kevin if you're reading this, GIVE IT BACK."
"Hired them for on-call hotel support. John showed up, plugged in his laptop, containerized our broken DHCP server into 14 nested Docker containers, and then fell asleep on the lobby couch. The DHCP still doesn't work. He's still asleep. It's been 2 days."
"Matt accidentally sat on my laptop and snapped it in half. He apologized profusely and offered to bench press me as compensation. I said no. He did it anyway. 3 stars for the experience, minus 1 for the laptop."
"They accidentally deleted our entire badge printing database 30 minutes before doors opened. But then they recovered it from a snapshot nobody knew existed in 4 minutes flat. Emotional rollercoaster. Still 5 stars."
"Kevin 'borrowed' three of our enterprise SSDs, two Raspberry Pis, and an entire box of Cat6 cables. When confronted he said they 'fell into his maid apron.' His apron does NOT have pockets that big. We checked."
"Nick wouldn't stop talking about Google Cloud. During lunch. During the panel. During a fire drill. I now know more about BigQuery than my own children. The infra was solid though."
All packages include complimentary cat ears for your staff.
* Hotel room, minibar, and 3AM pizza are billed separately. We WILL order the expensive pillow menu.
Book a Sleepover, Nya~#!/bin/bash
# The Sacred Oath of the Catboy Maid SysAdmin
echo "I solemnly swear to..."
echo " 1. Always wear cat ears in the server room"
echo " 2. Never leave a cable unmanaged"
echo " 3. Respond to every ticket with 'nya~'"
echo " 4. Keep uptime above 99.99%"
echo " 5. Look absolutely adorable while doing it"
echo " 6. Never reveal the WiFi password to randos"
echo " 7. Always have emergency snacks for the team"
echo " 8. Document EVERYTHING (in cute handwriting)"
echo " 9. Treat every server like my own kitten"
echo " 10. Remember: sudo is a privilege, not a right~"
exit 0 # Gracefully, like a cat landing on its feet
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